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In a league where message board hijinks are expected and reality is an illusion, the shadow of wiffle kevin casts a pall on all newcomers.  While unraveling the lore of wiffle kevin could be the subject to an exposé rivaling the pre-Aughts pursuit of Deep Throat, we must “noodle” a more urgent question—Did the Fish get Catfished?

Gone are the days when you could chat up a dude at a bar and say, “Hey, you seem like a cool dude, can I get your number and maybe we can play wiffle sometime?”  Everything happens online now. Strange things happen online. You would think you could rely upon the breadcrumbs left by a person’s digital footprints—Email, Twitter, LinkedIn, Whitepages, Ask Jeeves… not to mention good old fashioned real-world clues like phone numbers and regional dialects.  Unfortunately, the wiffle kevin Legacy is one that forces you to reach for your totem to test your reality.

So how does a team decide whether a catfish is in its midst? Group text, perhaps? The following is a hypothetical group text conversation which may or may not have actually occurred. No names have been withheld because no one’s innocent:

 

Has a catfish abandoned a freshwater channel or muddy river bottom for the Marlins’ saltwater oasis? To find out, come out to Opening Day at Sky Hill on April 30 as the Marlins take on the Phillies.

Posted in: Marlins

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H8R
# H8R
Monday, April 20, 2015 1:50 AM
Can you explain more about how you approach a masculine guy at a bar for his number and maybe a little home run derby?
neut
# neut
Monday, April 20, 2015 6:37 PM
You just say things like... "I don't do this very often" and "I don't have a lot of guy friends." You know, disarming stuff.
wiffle kevin
# wiffle kevin
Tuesday, April 21, 2015 1:02 AM
Who said anything about a "masculine" guy.?

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